Desi Girl

From a young age, desi girls grow up getting compared to other people especially other desi girls. Our parents, unintentionally, want their kids to be the best of the best and push them to always be #1. Whether that’s comparing our grades to our cousins’, our body frame to our friends, our accomplishments to our siblings’, or simply comparing anything and anyone. Their actions might be well-intentioned but the consequences and results ultimately form huge insecurities, low self-esteem, unhealthy competitiveness, and ego. Something almost everyone can probably relate to. How does that change the way we are as young adults and eventually more down the line, starting to lead families?

It’s quite known that high school is all about gossip and cliques, but why does that trend continue with larger groups in the desi community? Why do we put ourselves through an extended high school experience even after graduating? The comparisons we were shown at a young age grow into our insecurities and need for constant validation. We want to feel like we are the best and we are worthy. This in turn results in always wanting to know other people’s business and how other people are doing. We want to know gossip because the feeling of knowing secrets and being the one to tell other people feels validating. Sharing or knowing defaming information about specific people that you envy brings a sense of winning. All of us are incredibly intelligent and capable and yet we stoop down to act like children instead of focusing on ourselves and uplifting other women. We are body shamed, defamed, ridiculed, and bullied by our very own. Seemingly, when grown up and unchanged, this turns into another gossiping and shaming aunty. What can we do to change?

It is up to the second-generation Millennials and Gen Z to stop this with the amount of power we have as generations go. We have to focus on our growth while still uplifting and supporting our sisters. We even have to end the cycle of this continuing from the very start, with kids. As adults and moms, we need to look at our children, especially daughters, as their own individuals and give them the freedom to be who they want with our guidance. We have to see when they are hurting and understand what to do about it. We have to be their support not their villains. We need to allow them to come to us when they feel down or depressed and not push their mental health aside. We have to stop the cycle.