Coming out of my Shell like a True Desi Girl
Loud, extrovert, wild, crazy; these are just a few of the words my friends/family would use to describe my personality right now. A recent graduate of USC who talks - rather excitedly - to everyone that comes my way, I can’t really argue against their description. But I wasn’t always this way.
When I first got to SC - like most freshmen - I was quiet and shy, but friendly. I’d go out with my friends and have fun, but it was still obvious that I had my guard up. And the funny thing is, I didn’t even notice. It wasn’t until I got truly comfortable until I’d actually let loose, that I noticed ‘huh, you were so obviously uneasy.’
Spring semester freshman year, I joined the South Asian fusion a cappella team on campus: Asli Baat. I was constantly told to sing out, sing louder, move along with the music, and express more. I realized I was a lot more uneasy than I’d thought, and everyone else was a lot more comfortable in their own skin and with music and performance than I was. At kickbacks with the team, everyone seemed so secure while I was nervous, they’d be laughing as I smiled, and they sang loudly as I softly tried to keep up.
It wasn’t until that fall that I finally began to open up. I was at a Bollywood-themed Halloween party with the team, and for the first time, I let go. I wasn’t overthinking. I simply felt the music and moved with it. I laughed, danced, and talked freely with everyone. And I wasn’t the only one who noticed the difference either. My friends from the team approached me afterward to tell me how fun it was to go out with me.
What did the trick? Bollywood music.
I mean I should’ve known. I do my physics homework listening to Bollywood wedding music, fully having a dance party by myself. But there was something about listening to Bom Diggy in a club full of people also dancing and singing their hearts out that just made me feel at peace. Something that made me wanna throw my head back, put my hands up, and dance like no one was watching. A sense of belonging, familiarity, community.
I didn’t even realize it at first. But I would always get this sense of comfort whenever the right music was played. I found it easier to relax, open up, be myself, and even connect with people. Being on a south Asian acapella team, we’d all unknowingly bond over shared experiences through music. The more I owned the music, the closer I got to myself.
I know that might sound cheesy but hear me out.
It was the middle of my sophomore year; I had just broken up with my boyfriend of 5 years and if I felt anything it was anger. I wanted to take control of myself. Be a boss ass bitch. I wanted to get out there with my friends, scream the words to Desi Girl, and dance out all my anger. So that's just what I did.
And it was exactly what I needed.
My personality did a complete 180. I went from being the shy, quiet girl to dancing to Phone by Mickey Singh in crowded dormitory elevators. That semester I decided to become co-captain of Asli Baat. Now I was the person telling people to sing out, move with the music, sing louder. I was introducing us on stage in front of hundreds of people. And the more I did it, the more I wanted to.
It’s strange looking back at how different I was. People I’ve met recently would hardly believe that I could’ve ever been quiet; now I never shut up. Now I’m full of self-confidence, I’m almost always smiling, and I’m never not humming a song under my breath.
It might’ve taken me a minute to figure it out, but there really ain’t nobody like a desi girl.